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Introduction to a Traveler
(Image Information: personal photo me in Taiwan; photo from June 2017.) Hello Everyone! My name is Kelsea Long. I am currently a senior at the University of Oklahoma majoring in International Studies with 3 minors. Throughout my time at OU, I have had the opportunity to study abroad 2 times. I chose to go to Seoul, South Korea each time. I started learning Korean at a young age, so I was able to adjust to Korean life very fast. During my stay there, I was not only a student, but I also worked at an NGO in marketing to help with North Korean defectors. This experience for me really changed my point of view because I was able to learn about other cultures while learning more about myself. As soon as I turned 18, I did not know what to do with my life, I always followed what my friends were doing. But, when I first studied abroad, I wanted to take the time to learn what I wanted to do and what makes me happy. This drive helped me to see places like Japan and Taiwan. Every pla
Hey Kelsea!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I really like the layout of your website. I like how the theme is finding balance. I think it is creative and really grabbed my attention. The overall functionality of your website is amazing and easy to use.
Second, your story is really good. I also did a re-write of the "The Cunning Crane and the Crab". I really like how you changed the aspect of the crane in the story to where he just wanted friends. Also, the pictures that you decided to use are excellent. I feel like it gives the reader a visualization of the crane. Great job! The only thing I would change is the spacing within the story. I feel like if you took out some of the extra space, it might make it easier for people to read.
Overall, the project looks great all around and I am looking forward to seeing develop over the semester!
Hi Kelsea!
ReplyDeleteI liked the banner image for your website, it's so simple but it encompasses the idea of "finding balance." You could even maybe try and find different pictures similar to this but with different color schemes to do on the different pages.
I would maybe add a bit on your home page to explain your theme for your portfolio. Finding Balance begins to give an idea, but you could try and add a bit on the home page to explain what your stories will entail!
I loved your rewrite of "The Cunning Crane and the Crab!" I hadn't even given any thought to the crane actually being a nice guy, as I had just pictured him as a manipulative villain every time I read his story. However, your story really showed the crane in a new light and I felt really bad for him, he just wanted some friends! I wish he and the fish would've been able to communicate better, but obviously that was made difficult by his Alzheimer's. I think this is cool with your theme too - I felt so strongly against the crane when I first read the original, but now I see that there could be another side to the story; balance.
Great work and I look forward to reading more!
Hi Kelsea. When looking at your home page, it just feels empty. A change in the banner could really help in bring some life to the page. I do appreciate that you left a link to your comment wall on the home page. This was a really helpful small change that I hope more people do in the future. The “Portfolio Project” is broad. This is still early in the project it is fine for now. In the future however changing it something more descriptive would be a great idea. “Finding Balance” is a great title. You have a nice writing style. I also read "The Cunning Crane and the Crab" and I enjoyed the changes you made from the original. The story does have quite a bit of empty space in between the lines, maybe change that. Overall it is a great first story and I look forward to reading more of your work.
ReplyDeleteHi Kelsea! I read Always the Villain on your portfolio site. I like how you completely changed the moral of the story by adding in just a few details about the crane. It's important not to trust everybody, but it's definitely also important to know that people's actions don't always follow the readers assumptions. So the moral gets a lot more complex than the original. One thing I noticed though was that the Alzheimer's moment was a bit of a sudden reveal. I think it could have been less sudden if the crane had some line of dialogue where he shows his forgetfulness. Maybe something like the crane forgetting about where the tree was, so he gets lost and the fish die because he flies around for too long. Or maybe something about him forgetting the names of the fish. Anyways, I liked the story regardless and I'm excited to read the rest of your portfolio!
ReplyDeleteHey Kelsea!
ReplyDeleteI want to start off by saying what a great way to recreate this story. Every time I have read this story I have always been against the crane. I never took the time to look at it from that perspective, but thank you so much for teaching such a profound lesson through your story. You've got a solid introduction, but I honestly think that if you want to make the story even more meaningful, you could take a bit from the introduction and add to the section before you mention Alzheimer's. Not to say that it was a good attention grabber, but maybe a few more subtle hints would have made more sense when you mentioned the Alzheimer's. I know you mentioned that the crane "forgot that the fish could not breathe out of the water" but I feel you something more straightforward, to make the story stronger. Overall, great job!
Hey Kelsea!
ReplyDeleteI read the “Always the Villain” story in your portfolio. This was a very interesting take on the crane story. I had never felt bad for the crane at the end of the story, because in the original story it was what he had coming for him. However, it was very sad to see the crane die in your version. I wonder what would have happened if the crab had not jumped to conclusions. Would have realized that the crane meant no harm? As others have mentioned the revelation that the crane had Alzheimer’s was very blunt and shocking to read. Surely, the fish would have noticed something strange about the crane.
As far as the website is concerned it is very minimalistic and that fine by me. I would recommend changing the “Story 1” in the banner to be the actual name of the story, as I believe it will grab more attention that way. Additionally, you could move the images of the crane higher up in the story to where they can be seen when the page loads.
Overall, it was an enjoyable story.
Hello Kelsea. I really liked your story. You had a very creative take on this story. Even though the outcome of your story is the same, the sympathy for the crane makes the story seem far more tragic. This was a very original and creative take on the story. I also liked how you completely changed the meaning of the story at the end. Plot wise this was one of the best stories I have read. It was really solid and worked even better than the original. I thought the story could use an expansion. The crabs part and the death of the crane seemed to be glossed over fairly quickly. I also thought your website seemed a little plain. I would recommend adding some pictures and stuff like that. Overall, everything about your project is great so far and I am looking forward to the rest of your project.
ReplyDeleteHey Kelsea! I've read a few rewrites for the story about the crane, but yours is definitely a unique take. I like that you've flipped the roles a little, and the crane is only lonely instead of malicious. I wish that you had explained the crane's forgetfulness earlier in the story. I think you were trying to make it more of a surprise/twist, but I had already started forming a grudge against the crane. Also, I think it might have been better to just say that the crane forgot each day when he went to sleep. Labelling his issues as Alzheimer's seemed kind of odd since he was an animal. I can't tell if your banner is a photo or the default background. If it is a photo you should cite it! If you don't have a photo, I suggest adding one. It can really liven up your site, although the one currently showing is not bad either. Anyways, really nice job with everything so far! Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHey Kelsea! I really enjoyed your story! definitely unique take on the crane story. The ending was very sad and i liked this version since in the original, you don't really feel empathy for the crane since he deserved what came for him but your version made me feel sorry for the crane. I love simple layout of your website and it made everything easy to navigate. Keep up the good work and I will be looking forward to read more of your stories in the future!
ReplyDeleteHi, Kelsea! I already love the more modern spin you’re putting on the 2nd story. I definitely think some more dialogue would add to the story! Perhaps some of Mark’s argument when convincing John? Maybe during the period of time that Jess starts to realize the distance in their marriage, you could add in small anecdotes of everyday situations that exemplify the conflict. I definitely think that your story does a good job of forcing the reader to think deeply and profoundly. My only confusion is in the last paragraph. Has she moved on to her next life at this point? How does she already know that her 5 husbands teach her things about life? I guess some clarity of time line could help this confusion. Thank you so much for sharing this story with us. I greatly enjoyed reading it and I’m sure it will just improve from here. Keep up the good work! Jessie
ReplyDeleteHey, Kelsea! It was so great to visit your website and see and learn from how you have spent time creating this great site to showcase your stories. One thing I would do is maybe add a cover photo that ties into one or both of your stories. I used the New York City skyline because all of my stories are related to the television show, Friends.
ReplyDeleteAs I read your stories, one thing I really enjoyed was your use of dialogue. I believe that this is an important skill that a lot of use could improve on in our writing. I would say that in your stories you could do an editing challenge in adding details. Your stories are already great, but they could be even better with some descriptive details that help the reader to really imagine the setting in their minds so that they are able to be truly intrigued by the story.
All in all, great job!
Hi Kelsea! I am from the Myth-Folklore side of the class. I was a bit worried that I would get lost in your story since I am unfamiliar with the topics in your class, but that was not the case. In your first story, I appreciated your attempts to make the crane look better than he did in the original. The poor thing just wants someone to hang out with. He doesn't realize he is hurting his friends! I found it interesting that the fish could be persuaded to betray the crane so easily. Overall, the story has a good moral base and is easy to follow. Your second story is also easy to follow. It shows a sad tale of how people gradually grow apart and no longer share values. I liked how you changed the tone of the original so that it was not so one-sidedly against the woman. My only critic is the way you introduce dialogue. Is this a stylistic choice, or are you not familiar with how to insert quoted speech? Laura has an awesome page on how to do it! I have used the page myself.
ReplyDeleteHi Kelsea! I liked your first story a lot, though I found it kind of confusing to keep the fish (singular) differentiated from the fish as a whole. Maybe try naming them or assigning them numbers (Fish one said...) etc. I also would have liked a little more detail on how the crab killed the crane, not because I need the violence or anything it just seemed kind of sudden.. the crab was there.. the crane died. Finally, you could do some alluding to the Alzheimer's in the beginning of the story in order to set the readers up for it, saying the crane seemed forgetful or why no other cranes would play with him. On your second story, I found the whole first paragraph a little poorly phrased. There's just a lot of commas and I don't think you need the dialogue if you're going to say such a short sentence as "let's have a baby". I think the foundation of your story is good though, but you might elaborate on the emotion that is felt by both parties in this story.
ReplyDeleteHello Kelsea!
ReplyDeleteThe title of your website immediately caught my attention. I enjoyed reading Story II because it follows a theme central to my project: a love story. It's a great idea to modernize your retelling of the Mahabharata. I appreciate your use of the presenting religion in a relationship.
In terms of feed forward, I think it would really help if you proofread your story to catch any grammatical errors, such as the comma needed after "rather" in the beginning of your last paragraph. I also think adding more details would be beneficial for readers to understand more of the feelings of characters in the story. One more thing, I think a banner image would add more visual creativity to your project.
Overall, great job! I like how you explain your inspiration for writing the story in your Author's Note. You have a unique style of writing and I like your use of ellipses. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hello Kelsea! I hope you are having a great day so far! I love the website you have created! It has a feeling of zen and peace which is really unique, especially because of the type of stories you have. The crane story was really different to the original version. In the original, he dies and no one feels sorry because he killed all of the fish. Your take on this story was unique and I really liked it. I actually prefer it to the original version! There are some grammatical errors but they can be fixed if you do a quick run through, or even put it through Grammarly! I really look forward to reading some more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteHey Kelsea!
ReplyDeleteI remember reading your story about the crane and the crab earlier this semester so I was excited to see what else you had come up with! Now that you have more than one story, you might think about giving more descriptive titles for your pages at the top of your site, as well as describing the overarching theme of your portfolio. This might help just tie everything together!
I liked how your second story tied in with the original with a fresh twist on it. I appreciated the plot line of the story but would've liked to see the characters fleshed out a little more. You may be able to do this by creating more dynamic dialogue and diving more into their emotional state. This would just help the reader be more connected with the story, so I think it would help the flow! Overall, really great job!
Hi Kelsea!
ReplyDeleteYou probably don't recognize me, but I am from he mythology and folklore class! At first I was confused why you did not have an introduction, then I realized you did a portfolio project verses a storybook. I really enjoyed the two stories that you decided to retell from the original ones. While I was reading the first story, I was sad for the poor fish that the Crane was eating, I thought he was just doing it cause he was hungry. Once I found out he had Alzheimer's, I see how you changed the original story.
As for the second story, I liked that you kept it to a similar story line as the original. While instead of making the wife see this unfortunate event as a curse, keeping it as just an event in life was good. Things like this can happen later in life also.
I also liked that you incorporated dialogue in both stories, I really think this helped enhance your stories! Good luck in the rest of the project!
Hey Kelsea,
ReplyDeleteI have come back to see your project and it is coming together really nicely. Since I have been to your project before, I focused on your second story. And I think it is really good. I really like how you incorporated dialogue into the story and made the characters communicate. I think that dialogue is crucial to any story and helps the story grow in strength.
I also like how the second story tied in with the first story but with a little spin on it. Very creative.
Overall the story is great, but the only think that I can think of that may help would be to maybe add some more color to each story. Maybe change the background off each story to a different story. You could also maybe move the pictures up in the story so people can have an image to look at while reading. These are just suggestion though. I think your project is coming together nicely and I am looking forward to see how your project ends up!
Hi Kelsea,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the look of your portfolio. I thought it was simple and elegant. It did not have to much going on nor was it confusing to navigate. It was just simple and to the point. Which is how I am. I really loved your two stories. The first one, I also wrote about and it was just a unique and fun story. Nothing is too serious. The second story just made me sad and I felt so bad for the woman. No man should just leave his wife in the dust. They vowed to grow together, even in religion. This story is so true thought, in every religion and country. I think your stories look great, I did not see any grammar errors. I loved your stories and I cannot wait to read more from you in the future. We only have a few weeks left! Good luck!
Hey Kelsea, I choose your project because the name intrigued me and I was not disappointed. I really enjoyed your story on “The Cunning Crane and the Crab.” I have read multiple recreations of this story but I enjoyed yours the most because of the innocence of the crane and then finding out he had Alzheimer’s disease. I also liked how you made the crab seem like an intruder in the fishes’ conversation but then they listened to his plan and went along with it. There were a couple of errors in the story but with a quick read aloud they can be fixed. I also enjoyed your second story and when I read about the women having five husbands in her next life it was from “The Mahabharata”. I liked how you went further to explain that this could mean five different types of relationships but ultimately it was Jess decision and her own path to choose. Great project, I cannot wait to come back and see how your final project turns out!
ReplyDeleteJon WFebruary 25, 2018 at 2:12 PM
ReplyDeleteHi Kelsea. When looking at your home page, it just feels empty. A change in the banner could really help in bring some life to the page. I do appreciate that you left a link to your comment wall on the home page. This was a really helpful small change that I hope more people do in the future. The “Portfolio Project” is broad. This is still early in the project it is fine for now. In the future however changing it something more descriptive would be a great idea. “Finding Balance” is a great title. You have a nice writing style. I also read "The Cunning Crane and the Crab" and I enjoyed the changes you made from the original. The story does have quite a bit of empty space in between the lines, maybe change that. Overall it is a great first story and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Hi Kelsea! Your project seems to be coming along nicely. I wondered if you had considered adding some images to your banners. You could even use the photos from the bottoms of the stories. It adds a lot more life to the page. I’ve read and commented on Always the Villain, so I’ll focus on A Lonely Night. I agree with you that difference in religion can be a very serious and difficult conflict in relationships. What happened to the couple’s child? Did she end up living with her mother or father? How did she feel about religion and her five stepdads? Also, I wish you’d written a little more about how the five men came into Jess’s life. I’d love to read about how each of the men are different. I believe “women of the night” should me “woman of the night.” Thank you so much for sharing and I’m excited to see what else you write!
ReplyDeleteHi Kelsea. I just finished reading your stories; I really liked them! I haven’t seen anyone make the reader sympathize with the crane before. I thought your second story did an excellent job of making the reader feel sad; even though I sympathized more with Jess than with John, I still didn’t feel like John was a bad guy. It takes very creative writing to write a story where no one is evil but there is still conflict. I also had no idea what you were basing it off of until I read the part about 5 husbands. This might just be a personal preference, but I think your stories would be better if you used conventional dialogue, as in
ReplyDelete“Let's have a baby,” Jess said
I think the play type of dialogue feels out of place in your otherwise narrative stories. Again, this is just my personal preference, so if you chose to do that in a stylistic sense, keep it that way.
Hey Kelsea! I really enjoyed reading your stories! I have read many versions of the crane and the crab story and yours actually made me feel sad for the crane. Throwing Alzheimer's into the story was a little abrupt but you managed to make it work! Your A Lonely Night story was very good too. I felt so sad for Jess because I know how it feels when you are forgotten and don't feel the love that once existed. I would look at as a blessing to have 5 husbands, not a curse. She will get the attention she always yearned for. The dialogue was a little weird for both of your stories and seemed a little like bullet points rather than flowing seamlessly through the story so I would suggest fixing that for better flow of your story. Other than that, your story was really great! I look forward to reading some more of your work! I hope you have a great day!
ReplyDeleteHi Kelsea! I really liked your stories in your portfolio site. However, your homepage seems a little empty to me. What if you added a short introduction about yourself or maybe your portfolio or even why you are writing these stories. I think that would help anyone who stumbled onto your site understand what you are trying to do. Your first story was really sad but in a good way. You made me feel bad for the crane even though he was technically the villain in the story which I think is very hard to do. I feel like a lot of writers do not make their villains more than just a big bad evil guy. I think by making the reader feel bad for the villain and sympathize with him you create a better more believable story. You have a really food portfolio coming along and I cannot wait to finish the rest of your stories when you are done.
ReplyDeleteHey Kelsea! I read your first Story and thought it was great! At first, I felt sorry for the crane because the fish weren't nice to him but then as I read that he's been eating them, I didn't feel as bad. The style of writing was cute. I noticed in your 5th paragraph you call the crane a "he" and then an "it".
ReplyDeleteYou wrote "Because he was hungry, it...." instead of "he".
I like how you mixed in a narrative with dialogue. I've been doing that with my stories too.
Aw now I feel bad for the crane again :(
I really like the plot twist towards the end though. The poor crane had Alzheimer's. I really wasn't expecting that. I wish the crane could've told them. I like the moral of your story. Your right, not every stranger is bad. I really wish the crane didn't have to die though. I'm curious about where the other cranes were though. Did they not want to be his friend? I'm a little confused about how the crane died though. Did the crab kill him or did he just suddenly die? If it's the latter, did he die because of his Alzheimer's?
Hello Kelsea. I have commented on your project before, it is nice to see the progress you have made. I am really impressed with how your second story has progressed. I am happy to see that your project has continued to improve. i am still disappointed with the images. They are not bad, but I feel that they would be an easy way to improve the project. Your new story is also really good. I liked how you took the story to the extremes and tried to flesh out these details. The story does a god job at this and the authors note further solidifies this point. I would like to see the page headers changed to something more personal. Having them as story one and two makes it seem really impersonal. good job at using dialogue in the story and personifying the characters. I am looking forwards to seeing how you finish your project.
ReplyDeleteHi Kelsea! In "Always the Villain," I felt so bad for the crane. I like that you decided to make him a good guy, but it was so sad that he couldn't explain what was going on. I also like that you changed the moral of the story to be about not letting misunderstandings compound on each other and escalate to disasters. You had one typo that I found. When The Fish says, "Hey guys! We love Crane..." after that you have an extra "his" I think.
ReplyDeleteIn "How Much is Too Much?" I liked that you wanted all the characters to learn from each other and improve their lives. One thing that stuck out to me was that you mentioned that the family was tempted to steal the art and jewels from the man, but you didn't say that they didn't. I wonder if you could explore more of how the family decided not to steal but to learn from the man and improve their lives honestly.
Hello Kelsea! I gotta say I really liked your portfolio stories. I liked that you were able to distill these classic stories into shorter, more digestible bites. Having the stories in a concise format really improves their readability. Your site is great and easy to manage, but I think your images that you use in each story could be made better. I find that having the image in the middle of the story helps to draw attention to it and tie it to the story better. Additionally, I think the headers for each story could be another place to add more images that flesh out your stories. All in all, your portfolio is awesome, and I really enjoyed reading your stories. One last thing, I think that naming each story could also be a great and easy way to improve your portfolio just a little bit more, making it an even better portfolio.
ReplyDeleteHello Kelsea. I checked out your project near the very beginning. I am really happy to see how much it has progressed and how good your new stories are. Story 3 was really good. I liked how down to earth and realistic it was. I though this was a good twist from the original magic goose. I also how you changed the message to fit a more modern audience, with the family able to send the girl to college and start a business. One improvement I thought of was the pictures. I thought it would be neat to see pictures that more closely related to the stories. Overall I was really impressed with how far your stories have come over the last few months. Your second story was also good. I like your theme of setting these sometimes superficial epics in the grit of a normal modern life that people can relate to.
ReplyDeleteHi Kelsea!
ReplyDeleteI read your project, and I enjoyed the tone you adopted for each of the stories. I did notice, however, that there were very few descriptions. I think your writing could benefit from a bit more attention to describing what is happening, rather than simply telling what happens. Humans are sensory creatures, and think it would be awesome to incorporate some sensory details, even if you only utilize a few. They can make a big difference!
With more descriptions, the audience can relate more to the characters and can remember the details of the story more vividly when there's something to tie to the memory.
I really enjoy your take on these stories! Great work.
Hello Kelsea, My first impression was the layout of your portfolio was really organized. I really enjoyed your projected titled "How much is to Much". Reading through the story I felt that it was already about to be good. I never started reading a story and instantly not wanting to start over. And this story is very descriptions through the story is very fun to read and know what is about to happen next. I think the story has such a great story line and the way it is set up makes it easier to read and not be confused. But the overall part of your story is good, the length is good , the storyline is good and the sentence structure is nicely done. I think this is an overall good ass party.
ReplyDeleteHi Kelsea, thank you for the well organized portfolio! I really enjoyed navigating through and seeing all the bright, cheerful colors! Over all this is super easy to follow and you set your portfolio up really well. Your story #3 really caught my attention and I enjoyed reading over that story about the goose and how you brought it to a more "Americanized" version of the story rather than just replacing characters. I also really liked the first story you posted! You included a nice plot twist regarding the crane and his identity. That was super witty and I enjoy a good use of wit every now and then! Thank you for sharing all of your stories throughout the semester with us. I hope you have an incredible summer and learned a lot from this class!
ReplyDeleteHello, Kelsea "How Much Is To Much" was a great remake you made. I really enjoyed the storyline of the story. From start to finish I enjoyed reading it, there was never a dull moment in the story. I think the storyline was nicely presented, from a struggle of a family. To the family giving their all for their daughter to go to school and hopefully after she completing school all their troubles would be gone simply because they were giving everything they had expecting an outcome to help them in life. Trusting someone with your all then them coming out on the strong end help them growing stronger and build trust within one another. Nobody ever knows what life has to offer unless they go for it. So, when people are trying to be careful and wait for the right time, you have to think there is never a perfect time for anything.
ReplyDeleteHey, Kelsea, I really liked the look of your portfolio site. Its clean and easy to navigate but I think adding header images or more images to your story would help immerse your reader into the stories you are telling by giving them a visual to hold onto as they read. I also just think that your stories could be longer. Your writing held my attention, especially your use of dialogue, but when I came to the end of your stories I just felt like there should be more. I think one way you could accomplish this is adding some detailed description. Something to give the reader a sense of place or a sense of what your characters look like, what they're smelling, or seeing, or feeling, etc. It would give you some length and strengthen your already great storytelling. I'm an English Writing major and every writing professor I've ever had puts emphasis on the phrase "show, don't tell."
ReplyDelete